Ugly Skankbitchwhore

I think I just lost my lunch.

I'm not even going to comment on why.

Suffice to say, Paris Hilton is an ugly whore and a skank, and should be burned alive.

Fall Out Boy... Cock It and Pull It, Please!

Am I more than you bargained for yet
I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear
Cause that's just who I am this week
Lie in the grass, next to the mausoleum
I'm just a notch in your bedpost
But you're just a line in a song
(A notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song)

No you're not more than I bargained for... I never bargained, BECAUSE YOU SUCK DONKEY DICK! Do you have fuckin' multiple personalities? And WHY are you lying in the grass nex to the maunsoleum. THAT'S TRESPASSING, YOU EEJIT. And what does that even mean, you're just a notch in my bedpost? What if my bed doesn't have bedposts? Or notches?

Drop a heart, break a name
We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team

Why in the HELL are you sleeping for a team? What does that accomplish? And I don't think idiots that come from the same town I do deserve to sleep in.

We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it
[x2]

First of all, I hope you DO go down. IN A BLOODY MASS OF GUTS AND FLESH! And don't think I don't know what you're trying to sing about. And you're not going down swinging, you're going down raping the music industry as we know it! God, ever since you came along, everyone thinks they're "punk" because they listen to Fall Out Boy. YOU ARE NOT PUNK! THE FUCKIN' RAMONES ARE PUNKS! THE DAMNED CLASH ARE PUNKS! NOT YOU! And as for the "loaded God complex"... a God complex is when you think you are gods, but actually are not. Otherwise it wouldn't be called a FUCKING COMPLEX! So basically... you just admitted you suck. Good going, and I agree. And please, PLEASE do us all a favor and DO cock it and pull it... with the barrel down your throat.

Is this more than you bargained for yet
Oh don't mind me I'm watching you two from the closet
Wishing to be the friction in your jeans
Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be him
I'm just a notch in your bedpost
But you're just a line in a song
(Notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song)

...you can't have sex with someone with their jeans on, you idiot. That's called dry humping. In which case... you wish. And I'm pretty sure that watching two people get their brains fucked out is sexual harassment.

Drop a heart, break a name
We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team

Would you please stop repeating yourself? Songs usually have ONE chorus... that's why it's called a SONG. Not just the same two lines with a couple of variations on different parts with sentences edited in.

We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it
[x2]

See only Rogue is allowed to say the word "sugar". Because she's hot. But you... are not. And also, you come from FUCKING CHICAGO, not Alabama.

Down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it

Deja vu. It's like I'm on drugs and it just keeps repeating the same godforsaken lines over... and over... and over. God, getting castrated by a drunken alien hermaphrodite sexual predator which looks like Ronald McDonald would be preferable to this.

We're going down, down in an earlier round (Take aim at myself)
And Sugar, we're going down swinging (Take back what you said)
I'll be your number one with a bullet (Take aim at myself)
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it

That's it... I'm calling Ronald McDonald.

We're going down, down (down, down)
Down, down (down, down)
We're going down, down (down, down)
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it

ENGLISH, MOTHER FUCKER. DO YOU SPEAK IT? COMPLETE SENTENCES. FRASES COMPLETAS!

We're going down, down in an earlier round (Take aim at myself)
And Sugar, we're going down swinging (Take back what you said)
I'll be your number one with a bullet (Take aim at myself)
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it

YES. TAKE AIM AT YOURSELF. COCK IT AND PULL IT. DO IT! SUICIDE IS THE SOLUTION! GODDAMN... and I won't take back what I said--because I KNOW WHAT MUSIC IS. AND THIS IS NOT MUSIC!

Basically, it comes down to this.

PUNK:

PUNK:

NOT PUNK:

Panic! At the Disco... more like Panic! to My Ears

So... I'm in high school, right? And I can't help but notice (read: be excruciatingly annoyed by) all these "Panic! At the Disco" shirts. So I go onto iTunes and check out some of their songs.

I think I puked in my mouth a little. It's like the pop catchiness of the Spice Girls (this is NOT a good thing!) combined with the godforsakenly annoying voice of Patrick Stump from that godforsakenly annoying band called Fall Out Boy combined with the lack-of-being-able-to-play-a-guitar-ness of ...every godforsaken emo band out there.

Newsflash: this is NOT music! Music is expressive, not "oh my god cut myself and die". Music is also an arrangement of notes, NOT a repeating of them. Also... making your song titles a million lines long (just like Fall Out Boy, imagine that... at least they were first at that pretty much) is NOT in any way original or weird, it's just plain FUCKING annoying. Take this for example: There's A Good Reason These Tables are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet. Honestly... what... the fuck. Hell, this would be somewhat able to be forgiven if the music was half-way listenable, but it's, as my title says, Panic! To My Ears.

Plus, they have an exclamation mark in the MIDDLE of their band name. Can you say, "gimmick"? Apparently these cutters were too busy cutting themselves in 2nd grade English class, because you don't just randomly put !'s in the ! middle of a ! sentence or a ! band name! See, that's how you do it, "blah blah!", not "blah! blah".

Sorry, boys. Go back to Anytown, USA, because that's where you sound like you're from. No style, no talent, and certainly no depth. Bleh!

Finally, you'll notice I only swore twice. That's rather sad, don't you think, that I can rant on Panic! To My Ears--I mean, At the Disco! while only swearing twice?

Roger Ebert Rant Volume 1

OK this isn't so much a rant as a collection of my thoughts on Roger Ebert, so yeah. It's fairly ranty though, I guess.

Roger Ebert is probably the country's most well known and accessible critic, and lover of films. Not only has he been the critic for the Chicago Sun-Times since 1967, he has written numerous books, was the editor of the U of I's newspaper, and has his own film festival--the Overlooked Film Festival, held in the University of Illinois' campus every year. It's very hard for me not to have alot of respect for the guy. I'm currently reading Ebert's books A Kiss is Still a Kiss, and The Great Movies I and II, and they're both fascinating works; Ebert really knows how to write!

But I gotta say... in the last year or more it seems like he's losing his touch, perhaps going a bit senile. It seems to me like he can still easily recognize a good film (for the most part), but he can't recognize bad ones anymore. Ebert gave Garfield, and Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties three stars. He also gave La Dolce Vita three stars. Yet he has it listed in his Great Movies book. I ask you... WHAT... THE... FUCK? Honestly, you have what is possibly Federico Fellini's greatest masterpiece and then you have... Garfield and Garfield 2. Yet they get the same rating. Yyyyyyyeah... alrighty then.

More later, believe me.

Indie Films and Theaters

Right now there are two movies in theaters that I want to see excruiciatingly badly: The Science of Sleep, and Little Miss Sunshine, and another one coming up (I think) called This Film Is Not Yet Rated.

The problem?

They're all "limited release" films. I ask you is it that hard for these theaters to not ONLY carry the stuff that's going to get them the most money? I mean, really, do we need three different screens playing Jackass 2? Is it alot to ask for theaters to show indie films? Because I can't get my parents to drive 46 minutes to the nearest theater that actually is playing both The Science of Sleep and Little Miss Sunshine. This is pissing me off, because this means I miss the opportunity to see these in theaters and instead have to wait the what, three months, for them to come to DVD. And with Sleep it certainly sounds like the kind of film I'm going to want to see on a big screen.

*sigh* I hate commercialism sometimes...

The Calm During the Storm

So I'm making a somewhat ... normal post... here it is, the normal post. The one.

Last night the power went out at my house because of a storm, and it was awesome! I love storms, and I think they're beautiful. They calm me down and make me feel all fuzzy inside. In fact, I was actually annoyed that the power came back on!

I mean, think of how many things I like with the name "storm" in it:

Actual storms.
Storm Large.
Storm the comic book character.
Stormy (a cat my babysitter had when I was little... and a rabbit my sister has)
Stormtroopers

OK... so much for this being a normal post.

Stupid Quotes from My Peers...

OK... enough is enough ... I have had it with these motherfucking idiots in a motherfucking school!

Seriously these are quotes from people at my school... and I am NOT kidding.

"Marilyn Monroe... wasn't that, like, a dude?"

"Classic rock has no bass in it."

"Old music sucks."

"Ew, you watch old movies? Why would you do that?"

"Jackass 2 is the greatest movie EVER!"

OK... the first one... does this look like a dude to you? (See picture at right). The second one... I won't even bother commenting on. The third and fourth ones, don't knock something til you've actually seen it. The last one, fine it's funny to some people, but DON'T tell me that in the 80+ years of cinema, it's the GREATEST EVER! It's just... not.

All this concluding in a mini-rant:

I have this to say to my peers... start living in the past. If you want to sound remotely intelligent, research your past. Broaden your fucking horizons... do something productive, out of the norm. Maybe you're doing it to be different, doing it because you think Jackass 2 is stupid, doing it because you don't like where modern music and cinema is headed, I don't care. Just do it. Because I'll tell ya, I have alot more respect for someone who does, rather than someone who just watches/listens to all the latest stuff. Heck... that's fine, listen to and watch all the latest music and films, I don't care. But don't sit here and knock the films I watch (which are inevitably better than yours...) or the music I listen to when you haven't tried them at all yourself. It makes you seem a.) stupid, b.) uneducated, and c.) judgemental.

So go back and look at your past, research your history. It's something that many, many people will respect you for, including myself. Someone once said something along the lines of "You can't know the present without knowing the past." and I find that's immensely true. So go watch Some Like It Hot or City Lights, then if you go back and watch Jackass 2 again and still find it funny, then, then I'll be happy. Because it means you took some fucking iniative at your life.

And yes, I know quite a few people who have done this, and I realize I'm being cynical here but let's face it... aren't cynics usually right? ;) Seriously though, I applaud anyone who actually has cracked open a CD from the 1970's or a movie from the 50's. God forbid we fucking appreciate what comes before us.

My Goddess List

Reese Witherspoon


Audrey Hepburn


Marilyn Monroe


Rogue


Storm


Deborah Harry


The Donnas


Scarlett Johansson


Alyson Hannigan